(Jack enjoying a sucker in spite of his horrible cold and ear infection)
Why do we have hard times? Why do we have to go through trials?
Some of my answers:
To be reminded that our plan is not always God's plan and that our timing is not always His timing- Last week I miscarried. This was my fourth miscarriage and second at 13 weeks. I was shocked and devastated. I had been feeling so sick just days earlier. Why was this happening again? Just as frustration and fear began to creep in... peace came over me... and I was reminded of His love and the great blessings He has given me. I was reminded that He knows me and loves me. I was reminded that He is mindful of our family and has a plan for us... that He can see the greater picture and so His plan is better than anything I could ever dream up myself.
(Sometimes it just takes awhile for that knowledge to fully sink in, and for the tears to go away)
To grow and gain confidence in ourselves- When we face a trial and overcome, we become stronger. We learn things about ourselves. We are sometimes surprised by our strength, but sometimes learn what we need to improve on. Sometimes we feel that we are just surviving and not necessarily growing. But I think that sometimes the growth comes in just hanging on... and it shows our Father in Heaven that we trust Him, even if we might not be able to answer all the "whys."
To more fully appreciate the good times- Can't know the sweet without tasting the bitter.
To give others the opportunity for service- Last Thursday night I was taken to the ER due to excessive bleeding from the miscarriage. I was home alone with the kids. Ryan was 45 minutes or so away up at the U. I knew things were not okay... I knew it was an emergency situation. I had two angels (amazing neighbors) who served me and literally came to my rescue. One to watch my babies- to be calm, read to them and put them to bed... and another to drive me to the hospital and stay with me until Ryan arrived. Normally I would not have called on them for help. I'm a private person and struggle with letting others in to help me, but I was in need and knew it, and so the call was made... and they answered. And I am so grateful.
After being immediately admitted I passed out due to loss of blood. I awoke to the sweetest nurse telling me that I was doing great. I continued to hear that voice all night and into the morning as she comforted me through different procedures. I couldn't help as I was lying there to think about these amazing people called doctors and nurses. So thankful they had chosen this profession. So thankful for their care and their knowledge on my specific problem.
To learn- To be still and let God teach us.
It's easy in the midst of a trial to feel that we have been left alone or to be so consumed by the emotion that our focus is on ourselves rather than what He is trying to teach us. If we quiet ourselves we can know that He is always there, that we are never alone, and that the silver lining to the cloud might be precious knowledge- about ourselves, others, or the goodness of God.
Be able to bless and help others- Our trials are never in vain... if, we use the knowledge and experience gained to help and bless the lives of others and to improve our own lives.
To increase in humility and turn to God- These are moments when we are reminded that we cannot do it alone, or at least cannot do it alone and be successful. We need His help and guidance in all things.
Opportunity to count our blessings- Once you begin, you can hardly end. From the smallest blessings to the greatest, as we number them we are reminded once again of His constant goodness and love.
To become better than we are- If we let them, our hard times can help shape us into the people we need to be.
I probably shouldn't have announced so early that a baby was on the way, especially with my history... but babies are exciting... so it can't be helped I guess :)
... and hopefully we can be blessed to have another little one come our way when the time is right.
So my apologies for this very personal post. But writing is therapy for me and it gives me an opportunity to think about things... about life.
And life is so good. Each new day is a gift. Each trial an opportunity to grow... to become more like Him... the Giver of all good things.
6 comments:
Oh, Kelsey. My heart just breaks for you and Ryan. I cannot imagine the pain you have experienced. Especially being so far along. Whether you know it or not, Micah and I too have had a lot of struggles recently with adopting. Twice we were choosen. Once we were there for the birth, only to have the birth mother opt to keep her baby. I too have wondered why conceiving is so hard for some of us. I wonder what God's plan for me and my family is. I was amazed at your strength and your testimony in your beautiful post. I am a private person too, but found the writing is very therapeutic and it lets people know what is going on without telling them directly. I love you and your family and will you keep you in my prayers. Thank you again for showing me how to find strength in trails. With love, Josie
Kelsey I am so sorry for your loss. I am sure that it is hard to share something like that but I am glad you did. Your stregth,grace, and faith are something to be admired.
I am so sorry for what you have been going through. My heart just breaks for you and Ryan with the loss of your baby. Your words are truly inspiration and I admire you for your strength and example!
Oh my friend... I am so sorry that you have to go through this once again... You are amazing and I admire your strength and your faith... You have always been an example to me.
Take care, sweet Kelsey!
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